I wake up. I’m in my Hello Kitty onesie, and my stomach’s growling for chow-chow. What a shock. (Insert sarcasm here) As I walk outside to begin my quest of scavenging for food…(at the local Ralph’s) I stumble into an ominous-looking cave that just so happens to have an automatic magical ramen cooker… those are quite rare nowadays. Sitting on a log in the middle of the cave is the ONE. The ONLY. THE CHUPACABRA.
“You’re real?!” I cry.
“UHHHHH….DUH.” He responds with a look of impatience etched across his brow.
“Can I call you Chupie???” I ask.
“Heck no! I am THE ALL-KNOWING CHUPACABRA!!” he retorts with much sass.
“Oh okay…my name’s Sophie” I respond timidly.
“Yeah. I know.” he says.
“HOW’D YOU KNOW THAT?!” I exclaim in surprise. “I bet you don’t know anything else about me.”
“I know you like ramen and are on level 647 of your Candy Crush Saga.”
(Oh dang…. I don’t respond to that. I wonder what else he knows…)
“So, how tall are you anyways?” I nonchalantly ask.
“I am five feet tall” he responds after gulping down his goat..errr…juice.
“HAHAHAHAHA I’m a ¼ of an inch taller than you! GO ME!!” I cheer.
After giving me a stern look to silence me, the all-knowing chupacabra stares into my soul and recites the long long long long rant about how no one appreciates him and how the folks in Lena, Mississippi can’t pronounce his name.
After finishing his monologue, he commands me to go back into civilization and tell his story to the world. I say “Sure” and he then kicks me out of his cave so he go eat schwarma by himself.
I slowly walk away, bringing out my ramen turtle capabilities. After walking for about a mile, I turn around to wave goodbye to the all-knowing chupacabra, but he has disappeared, along with the cave and all its magicality. Was this whole experience real? Or did I come up with it when I was writing a story at 10:47pm last night? No one will ever know…
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