PERKINHANZ & FRANCOIS

THE MINSTREL
Late at night, a bedside telephone rings. A man in a white sleep shirt reaches over and grabs it, after two rings, and very reluctantly-like. A voice comes out,

“Officer Perkinhanz, we have a problem”

“What do you mean, A PROBLEM. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE PROBLEMS. I HAVEN’T HAD A DECENT NIGHT’S SLEEP IN DAYS. DAYS. I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PROBLEM. HANDLE IT YOURSELF.”

The phone is hung up. Officer Perkinhanz goes back to bed. His alarm clock reads 3:30.

The clock is now 3:33. It ticks to 3:34. Officer Perkinhanz gets out of bed, redials the telephone, and asks a question:

“What’s the ****ed problem?”

The same voice as before answers back

“Sir, you are gonna wanna see this yourself.”

“Where?”

“One finite loop, its in Breschtshire sir”

“I know where that place is, meet me there with the strongest coffee you got in forty minutes”

Perkinhanz turns on the lights, brushes his teeth, shaves, puts on a uniform or a suit, and leaves, shutting the door. The alarm clock, which reads 3:49 ticks to 3:50. A picture of Perkinhanz with a young lady and a young child is shown.

Perkinhanz arrives at one finite loop, in his black sedan, gets out, and is greeted by a younger person who hands him a cup of coffee.

“Man is that strong.”

“Yes, sir, I know”

“So what is the down low”

“Well, sir, its very unusual.”

“So the usual?”

Both men look towards a dark looming house ahead of them, with dim streetlights. They walk in silence towards the door, and knock. The door creeps open.

“Ack, what is that stench?!?” Perkinhanz wrinkles his nose at the assault on his olfactory.

“Well, sir, that’s what we are here for”

“Can’t the DEA get their ***es over here? This seems right up their alley.”

“We did sir, but when they came they couldn’t find anything.”

“Ah great, but what’s the harm in the smell, if –

“Sir, the local children have been having strange… thoughts around this house”

“Oh great. So we are here on some child’s play pretend.”

“Sir”.

The man hands Perkinhanz a respirator, which he puts on. The man puts one on himself, and the two, now suddenly wielding flashlights, enter into the three story. It reeks of being old.

“Hello, we are here to investigate a smell, is anyone here?”

No reply, the men continue to walk around.

“All clear on the first floor”

The two proceed upstairs, the younger taking the leftmost passage and Perkinhanz the right. Perkinhanz begins to rifle through some papers on a desk. Dictionary pages are cut out, and certain words are highlighted. There is a post-it note which says simply: Smell getting worse.

“PERKINHANZ, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS”.

Perkinhanz quickly shines his beam down the hallway, moving towards the shout. He finds the man staring up at the ceiling. There are thousands of words, scribbled in different sizes, over each other, and in different colors.

“Holy **** Francois.”

Suddenly a man appears behind them, pushes them aside, and jumps through an open window.

“DON’T”- But too late.

The two men rush to see what happened to the man.

“It’s too early for this sort of ****”

He had left on a word, flying high in the sky, leaving a new mystery and a new puzzle for the duo.