To Whom It May Concern:
Greetings humans! My name is Chupie and I'm a purebred chupacabra. I have lived in harmony with my friends and family for many years and have established a productive lifestyle, however there is one particular issue that really gets my goat. (AND NO ONE TAKES MY GOAT!) I have made multiple fleeting attempts to push this growing conundrum to the back of my mind for many years, but I am finally fed up with trying to grapple with this upsetting problem!
I will now proceed to clarify a misconception that has tainted the reputation of chupacabras all around the globe. People in countless countries doubt my existence, and some even go as far as to call me a “made-up magical creature.” I cannot emphasize my overwhelming exasperation with the ignorance of these humans enough when I say: I AM REAL!! How dare you nonchalantly chuck me in the same category as mythological creatures like unicorns and sasquatches! This discriminatory labeling deeply hurts my sensitive feelings. You people don't even give me the same level of respect as the common rodent or cucaracha. To the folks in Lena, Mississippi: y'all can’t even pronounce my name correctly- you say “Cupahabra” and then shoot my kind.
I AM REAL! I EXIST IN THIS WORLD!!!
To prove to you that I am real, I will now describe for you my lifestyle to show that I am not much different than you all. Most of my family originated in Mexico and parts of South America. I’m very close to them and send postcards every now and again to keep in touch. My all-time favorite food ever has got to be goat caviar, but I'm not especially picky about my cuisine-I'll settle for any small game entrée, but I like it on the rare side. I love feasting on the sweet juice that derives from the goat-it's similar to the cow milk you drink just thinner and deep red.
Well, I must provide a slight concession before I finish my argument-some of you humans are actually respectworthy-you believe in my existence 100% and have even dedicated tee shirts, coffee mugs, stickers, etc. to me! I must profusely thank you for the immense support you have given me as I continue to fight for my rights during this difficult period in my life.
To conclude my argument, I’d like to share with you all my hopes for the future. I am optimistic that there will come a time when humans acknowledge the chupacabras’ existence and we can coexist in peace and harmony. I am optimistic for what the future holds, so let’s open wide the door to dialogue and friendship!
Adios Amigos,
Chupie
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